ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Overnight, a local cricket fan says he drifted off to sleep before seeing Australia capitulate late in the piece against India last night.

Thinking a good match was shaping up after the tourists managed to bowl India out for 252, Glenn Powell threw caution to the wind and said, ‘fuck it, I’ll stay up for it.’

However, things didn’t start off well for the Australia.

“Seeing Warner spoon one to a waiting fieldsman early on didn’t really surprise me,” he said.

“We’ve won many games after fucking OLED Dave threw his wicket away in the first 10 minutes. Then the new bloke, fucking what’s his name. I don’t even know who’s in the team anymore. It’s like a lunchtime game of French cricket, people coming and going,”

“But yeah, I tried to remain positive but I ended up falling asleep and waking up the missus getting out of the shower at 6:30 this morning. Oh well.”

Observing this slow-moving trainwreck was a local Sandman, who are employed by Cricket Australia to put cricket fans to sleep when the national team is getting whipped overseas.

Speaking candidly to The Advocate regarding his new role as Chief Sandman of the Diamantina, Brett Sandman said last night was quite a busy night for him and his staff.

They visited nearly a hundred homes in Betoota last night, putting people like Glenn Powell to sleep with powerful tranquilisers and sand.

“We visited Glenn last night around 2 am and chloroformed to within an inch of his life,” said Mr Sandman.

“Doubt he’d remember what happened. He was kicking and screaming. Almost bit the finger off the bloke putting him to sleep,”

“But at the end of the day, we’re here to do a job and that job is to protect the reputation of the Australian Cricket Team.”

More to come.


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