ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The Federal Government today faces the almost-impossible challenge to administer over 2000 Australians before July.

Speaking to the media today in Canberra, Prime Minister Scott Morrison said his government has accepted the challenge and is ready to make sure the two-thousand-or-so Australians flying over to Japan for the Olympics later this year will all have some sort of flu-jab to prevent them from getting the Pangolin’s Revenge and dying.

“The Federal Government is committed to making sure all our Olympians get the jab before they go,” said Scott.

“It will not be an easy challenge and I can’t make any promises personally but what I can tell you is that if we have athletes not jabbed before July, it will be the fault of the state and territory governments,”

“If they’re all jabbed up and ready to go win gold for Australia, it will be because of me. If they win gold, it will also because I’m a great lover of all sport and have funded it accordingly. Ok, I’ve wasted enough time this morning. We need to get to work.”

The news that the nation’s sporting heroes will get the jab before our stocks of white middle-class Baby Boomers and their fucking long-suffering parents has angered the nation’s white middle-class baby boomers, with many of them taking time out of their busy mornings of not repairing divots in fairways and complaining about the racial diversity in ABC presenters to speak to The Advocate about the Federal Government’s plan.

One of them being Graham Chamberae, a semi-retired small businessman who just bought a new Sahara to take up to Finke next month.

He’s not happy.

“These fucking athletes are at peak health, the spicy cough won’t kill them,” he said.

“Whereas I’m pretty old and fucked and I’ve worked hard my whole life and paid taxes, now I get to enjoy my life and I don’t want to die from some Chinese super flu! Yes, I haven’t been to the city in six years but that doesn’t stop people who aren’t from here coming to Betoota and licking doorknobs,”

“Just because you’re going over to Japan to come seventh in individual kayaking doesn’t mean you should be cutting the line, I say. I’m going to call Ray Hadley today and have him tell me I’m right. It just does my head in that Scott Morrison has gone all woke by giving these fucking human greyhounds a jab before me, a red-faced fat old cunt who voted for him.”

More to come.


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