ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

An old man wearing a crushable leather hat is preparing to drive slightly above the speed limit because there’s an overtaking lane coming up, and he doesn’t want anyone to get past him.

It’s a common occurrence on local roads. Many hold the view that drivers such as today’s culprit, Wallace Goink, are a menace to other road users. By the time he inevitably pulled over at the BP service station on the Daroo Bypass in North Betoota, Wallace was ready to air his grievances with people forced to speed and put their lives on the line to get past him.

“It’s unbelievable, the way people drive these days,” Wallace told our reporter as he palmed another boneless hot wing down his gullet.

“We had cars race past us at breakneck speed all morning. Why is everyone in such a hurry?”

Wallace barked as a piece of chicken elbow cartilage collided head-on with his uvula.

“Oh God!” he gagged.

A bit of hot wing shot from his agape gob and slapped onto the linoleum floor of the servo bistro.

“Excuse me, Eurgh!”

He kicked the slimy nugget under a shelf.

“Oh Christ. We had a young man overtake us this morning and throw the battery out of a Dolphin torch at us as he hooned past,” he added.

“Scared the daylights out of my wife and Penny, our morbidly obese corgi.”

“I was only doing a hundred and nine in a hundred? There was an overtaking lane coming up, so I knew I could speed a little bit because it would be safer.”

More to come.


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