LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
With Australia’s eastern states letting this thing rip like Beyblades in ‘02, Aussies are learning that the ‘new normal’ apparently involves our politicians disgracing the nation daily.
Whether it is Dominic Perrottet introducing RAT fines that cannot be enforced, George Christensen sharing conspiracy theories, Mark McGowan constantly chaning his positon, or Barnaby Joyce simply existing, wherever Australians turn there is a politician representing the absolute worst of us.
As Australia records deadly days since the start of the pandemic, it is clear many politicians are not taking personal responsibility for the immense strain on the health care system, over 100,000 7-day avg. daily cases or the fact that testing for the spicy cough is now a job for the citizen and an expense they have to foot if they can even manage to buy one of the things in the first place.
While Scotty from Marketing has been previously known to go full ostrich and bury his head in some Hawaiian sand, he is one of scores of politicians who want to make sure suffering from Covid will always be second to the national disgrace that is their audibly moving mouths.
“I know this is hard, I understand,” stated Scotty while two staffers held down the sides of his mouth to prevent smirking.
“But the only embarrassment in Australia this week was the battering the poms are taking off the back of our little Uzi!”
“Come footy time we are gonna be scoring virus tries!”
Scotty then declined to answer questions about the climbing death toll, the public war they lost against an unvaxed tennis player, his lighthearted approach to why RATs aren’t free, the Footloosian ban on dancing and singing that saw an exemption made for a Hillsong festival where rapid antigen tests of unknown origins were given to attendees for free as well as the time he said “we are taking wickets in the virus.”
Our reporter was unable to finish his list of recent national disgraces as Scotty began yelling “Cricket!” into the microphone until everyone left.
