ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
A grey nomad passing through our cosmopolitan desert community earlier this week was caught red-handed by local residents stealing toilet paper from a roadside public toilet on the Betoota City Limits.
When challenged by local residents, the Baby Boomer became irate and emotional, telling those who dared question him that ‘he is entitled to take it because he’s paid tax his whole life’.
The boomer, who was later identified by the authorities as 70-year-old Victorian man Graham Oliver-Pooley, explained that because the toilet paper was purchased using public money and placed in a public building, he was entitled to steal it.
A witness to the verbal altercation said that Mr Oliver-Pooley was ‘quite worked up’ when asked what he was doing by a group of local skateboarders.
“These kids roused on that gibbering old boomer fuck for stealing toilet paper and the bloke just exploded,” they said.
“Honest to God, he was lucky not to get a Sector 9 wrapped around his head. The boys at the Flying Doctor almost had to kick their ugg boots off and get their flying shoes on,”
“He was going on about him paying tax so he owned the toilet paper or something. To be frank with you, my liege, I was just waiting for old man river to get laid out. I would’ve stepped in then but lucky it didn’t come to that.”
As the grey nomad started to peel out of the rest stop, the skaters began to throw rocks at the caravan and the man’s late model Land Cruiser.
“It was nice to see those rough north Betoota kids throwing rocks at something other than at the police for a change,” they said.
“I guess that’s one positive.”
More to come.
