4 October, 2015. 10:50

IMRAN GASHKORI | Sports Editor | Contact

[dropcap]T[/dropcap]he AFL’s Grand Final is here and what a divide we have. The heavily-tattooed West Coast Eagles fans attempting to out-cheer the culturally elite Hawthorn Hawks fans.

After driving across the Nullabor to Melbourne in one 42-hour-stint, Perth construction development officer, Adam Bond says he wishes he had spent more time staring into the sun while he had the chance.

“I don’t feel well looking at these blokes,” says the hard-working 29-year-old as he gazes over the crowd of Hawthorn fans. All of which either work as baristas, DJ’s or “in promotions”.

“One of them actually bought an Ipad to the game. He’s not taking pictures either… He’s reading The Guardian,”

“Not to mention they are all drinking spice rum on the rocks. What kind of creep orders that at a football match?”

The new "unofficial" logo for the Hawthorn Hawks shows a Hawk with a top-knot.
The new “unofficial” logo for the Hawthorn Hawks shows a Hawk with a top-knot.

However of all the cultural nuances that could have offended Mr Bond and his wife, Stacey – Nothing upsets more than the new hairstyle he has become accustomed to since landing in Melbourne.

“This short sides number with the pony tail on the lid. It’s fucked mate!”

“You wouldn’t last ten seconds in the Perth casino with that kind of salad.”

Mr Bond says he is very much contemplating the possibility of returning to his hotel room to watch today’s Grand Final unfold, such is his disgust upon learning that the “top-knot” is not only an acceptable hairstyle – but also a popular one.

“I used to complain about Perth being an overpriced shit of a place. But after seeing the shit the kids get away with here…”

“…Mate I’d pay $20 for a schooner if it meant I never had see that haircut again,”

“Christ Almighty, it looks like they had an operation. Back where we come from, white kids know how to behave themselves,”


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