14 July, 2016. 13:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

PREPARATIONS FOR THE RIO Olympic Games are at fever pitch, with leaves and a dead cat being fished out of the Olympic Pool ahead of the opening ceremony of August 5.

Said to be stiffer than a surfboard and skinner than a rake, the sodden feline was just one of countless mammals retrieved from the chlorine abyss this morning.

The International Olympic Committee has praised the efforts of the Brazillian authorities as they rush to get everything ready. Making sure there’s no drowned animals or debris in the pool is said to be a “high priority”.

Coming just a week after numerous Olympic sailing teams slammed the water quality of their venue, it’s beginning to look like Rio is taking the responsibility of hosting the games seriously.

Speaking today from the world capital of petty theft and good times, IOC deligate Owen Pantsgetter agreed that everything seems to be in order.

“This isn’t going to be the greatest games of all time, it’ll just be games,” he said.

“We’ve urged the swimmers not to swallow any water or get it in their eyes. Same with the sailors, if they capsize, they run the risk of developing leukaemia or rheumatic fever or something like that,”

“Marathon runners will be used with a Glock before the race, which they’ll have to hand back at the end. Olympic shooters will be required to hang onto their weapons between events to provide protection to their teammates,”

“This will be full on.”



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