11 June, 2016. 18:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

IF THERE’S ANYTHING that every young person in the free world can agree on, it’s that everything Coldplay has released since 2008 has been dog shit.

Taking some time out of his busy long weekend, Greg Peacock flicked through a few old Facebook albums of him and the squad back at school.

The Advocate spoke to the 25-year-old faceless office drone last week via Skype.

“God, we’ve all changed so much,” he said, running his fingers through his fair.

“Tommy doesn’t spike his hair anymore. Greg’s gay now. Mickey lives in New York, haven’t seen him in like three years. Gary got on the gear and lives in Woy Woy and I’m wearing that dumb Coldplay hat,”

“Fuck I got around Coldplay back in the day. They came to Australia like three times when I was in high school. The whole squad would put on their best kit, clean their sneakers and we’d go out and have a bit of a singalong. Fucking miss that shit.”

But then Mr Peacock explained that he fell out of love with the British pop sensation around the time he entered university, saying that drugs don’t go very well with their overly-emotive and slow jams.

In 2010, a government-backed study concluded that listening to any Coldplay music on MDMA or ketamine can be extremely traumatic and potentially hazardous because of the groups deeply introspective lyrics.

However, the systems analyst said he’s prepared to get back on the Coldplay bus, stating categorically that of they release another album of bangers, he’ll buy the album and go to their ensuing concert completely sober like it’s 2005 again.

“Actually, yeah. Fuck it, I’d go. Drink some Fanta and sing arm-in-arm with all the other rejects, perverts and sickmen who like Coldplay still.”


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