12 November, 2016. 11:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

THOUGH HIS HEART is weaker than his daughter’s boyfriend’s handshake these days, Derek Murchison decided this morning to collapse onto the floor of his West Pymble home in solidarity with the Australian cricket team.

The 69-year-old retired accountant has been a die-hard supporter of the boys under the Baggy Green for a lifetime – and he says he happy to do everything it takes to get the lads across the line.

“Yeah look, times are grim,” he said as he slipped in and out of consciousness.

Murchinson coughed heavily then blood began to trickle out of his ears and nose.

“We’re in a rebuilding phase, like the All Blacks post-Blackadder and Mehrtens. I can’t wait to see where we go from here. Perhaps it’s time to Eddie Jones the shit out of Lehmann and get Buch back? [coughs] Yeah mate, not concerned at all.”

Derek’s wife asked him to hang up shortly after that last statement, as the paramedics had arrived to try to stem the bleeding that was happening throughout the left side of his brain.

She promised that he’d call us back when he was feeling better.

More to come.


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