As controversial batsman David Warner continues to weigh up whether he will appeal the sanctions placed upon him for the infamous ball-tampering scandal, the Australian Fashion Police (AFP) have introduced their own fresh charges against him after he appeared on television last night wearing a cashmere sweater wrapped around his neck.

Warner again came under fire when he was seen in full view of the public with the expensive garment draped across his back and the sleeves tied in a loose knot at his chest.

One ex-cricket fan, Kenny, told us that the off-white number, usually worn by company hiers with no concept of reality and a penchant to whinge on Twitter, has “absolutely no place in modern Australia” and that Warner “should face the full force of the authorities and be made an example of”. A sentiment echoed throughout all tiers of the community.

“Yeah huge no no” said Mitchell Lee, Assistant Commissioner for the AFP. “We have strict rules to deter this type of thing, which David seems to have completely flouted. I can’t believe he thought he would get away with it!”

Prime Minister Malcom Turnbull has weighed in on the issue, calling it a “shocking affront to Australia. How many of us as children, how many of us as fathers and mothers, have had children who have looked up to the Australian team, have looked up to their idols, to their role models?” the Prime Minister said.

We asked Mr Warner where he got the sweater from, “As I said, I’m here to take full responsibility for the part I played in this. It’s extremely regrettable. I’m very sorry. I really just want to move on from this” he responded.


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