24 February, 2016. 12:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Spitting out a mouthful of his breakfast devon and tomato sauce sandwich, Brett Chimera of Goulding Place North Betoota, couldn’t believe his eyes as Test opener Matt Renshaw ran off the field of play to empty himself in the middle of a session.

“Outrageous!” said the local father.

“Back in my day, cricketers were tougher. If they needed to go, they just went there and then at the crease. None of this running off to the shitters like some baby. We’ll get whitewashed with this type of intestinal fortitude.”

Echoing the 69-year-old’s sentiments was former Test warrior Rob Quiney, who said he used to shit in his pants when natured called, rather than run back to the sheds for a bit of alone time.

However, the red-ball veteran said they while he’s never had to play after eating Indian street food, he feels confident that it wouldn’t slow him down.

“Steve Waugh taught me how to shit my pants discreetly at the crease,” said Quiney.

“And I’m pretty sure Brian Lara taught him. It’s a skill that’s lost on the current crop of Australian Test cricketers. Back in my day, we’d just empty ourselves and get on with the job of winning games of cricket for our country.”

“Now you have this hair-gel Bailey Nelson-wearing undertone that’s ripping cricket apart at its very foundations.”

More to come.


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