ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

The president of the local Young Monarchist League in South Betoota had too many Negronis last night at the Betoota Hotel and let slip that after adding his political leanings to his Tinder profile, he hasn’t been getting too many right swipes.

Tom Annise, 23, confided in The Advocate last night telling our reporter that he thought the local ladies would think he was ‘sophisticated’ and ‘traditional’ by being a young monarchist, but his plan to bed astute, classy women via a dating app have seemingly backfired.

“I’m the talk of the town,” said Annise.

“For all the wrong reasons. All the girls think I’m a serious, grade A poon now because I support Australia being a constitutional democracy. I just don’t get it. I might as well advertise that I’ve got genital warts. By gosh, I didn’t even know young people cared so much about a republic.”

The intimacy-deprived Libra’s fears were confirmed by a local girl, Wendy Patchmen, who told The Advocate she audibly snorted when she came across Tom’s profile.

In addition to describing himself as a Young Monarchist, Tom has also clearly stated that he’s a ‘Red wine enthusiast’ and a ‘Labradoodle Daddy’.

This isn’t helping his cause, according to Patchmen.

“I mean, who actually thinks it’s a good idea to write that stuff?” asked Wendy, a sandwich artist at the North Betoota Westfield Subway restaurant.

“He looks harmless enough, which also isn’t helping his cause. Owning a Labradoodle at 23 is also very suspect. But at least it isn’t a cat. Red wine enthusiasts are more often than not enthusiast about other odd shit like state cricket and European soccer. In ten words or less? No thanks.”

More to come.


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