EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A local woman struggling to maintain the passion in her long term relationship has come up with a genius solution this afternoon, which is guaranteed to get a bite out of her mild mannered boyfriend.

Clara Fawn tells The Advocate that even though she is deeply appreciative of how calm and gentle Tim is, his propensity of being as rock solid as a thirty year old Shetland pony at a Sunday market can be a little bit ‘boring at times.’

“Look, it’s not like I’m looking for anything toxic”, explained Clara, “Tim just doesn’t really react much to… anything.”

“He really is the human embodiment of the term, ‘water off a duck’s back.”

Explaining that she’d occasionally tried to rile him up by telling him some salacious workplace gossip or by informing him about something awful she’d read in the news, Clara says his constant blaise attitude towards everything was starting to get a little grating, and leading her to wonder if perhaps she was set to marry what may possibly be, the most ultra human to ever exist.

“But then I discovered his achilles heel”, says Clara, “the one thing I knew Tim could never back down from.”

“I told him The Wire was not only NOT the best show of all time, but also seriously overrated.”

“I then told him he could shove The Sopranos up his arse too.”

“We later had the most passionate sex we’ve had in years.”

More to come.


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