ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

People first noticed Gary Turtledick wasn’t normal in high school.

He’d routinely mouth off at teachers, even as a relative youngster.

As a sixth form student, his fellow students frequently observed him using a urinal with his school trousers down around his ankles in a pool of somebody else’s piss.

In a word, Gary was weird.

Which is why now, as a creepy but ultimately likable 30-something, Turtledick unwinds after work with a few Southern Comforts.

Now a new study into people like Gary has been launched by Australia’s peak scientific body, the CSIRO, which has the aim of understanding what type of person enjoys drinking the liquor.

Albeit brief and ultimately quite odd, Gary spoke to The Advocate a short time ago.

“It’s a real quencher,” he said.

“Pour it over crushed ice and add lemonade. Simply unbeatable after a long day of breaking shit up and throwing it into a skip bin.”

However, he concedes that he has to often repeat himself at the bar. Not many bartenders are familiar with the term, ‘SoCo and lemonade’, according to Gary.

Those sentiments were echoed by other patrons at the Hinch’s New Liver Inn on Alambie Road in South Betoota.

They’ve observed this creature named Gary for a number of years now and they’ve all learned to give him a wide berth.

“That cunt is not right in the brain,” said local drinker Sam Frog.

“He is weird. You know what’s the weirdest thing about him?”

“He drinks South Comfort and he likes it.”

The study is set to be published towards the next of this year.

More to come.


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