ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Unable to go hiking until now, one local accountant almost completely devoid of a personality received his new Patagonia tee shirt today in the mail – which means he now has everything he needs to tackle the great outdoors.

“I don’t know which local trail I want to hike first!” gleamed Peter Hutchinson, 29.

Moments before, the aquaphobic Cancerian ripped apart the plastic packaging that enslaved his Patagonia tee shirt during it’s transit from the warehouse to his bespoke, artisan Betoota Grove apartment.

“Geanie! Get in here! My Patagonia tee shirt is here. Let’s go hiking this weekend! Oh my God! Finally get to use all my camping gear. Let’s do the Moonda Lake Backrun!”

“Are you hearing this, Geanie? We can finally go hiking and camping like we’d always dreamed!”

Geanie was hearing this, but she chose not to listen because like most people, Geanie hates camping.

Geanie Stephens hates camping so much, they threw out Peter’s old Patagonia shirt because she was sick and tired of spending every weekend out in the sticks.

“Look, I love Peter, I enjoy his company and everything but fuck me,” she said.

“Would it fucking kill you mate if we spent a weekend at home eating pizza, smoking weed and chonging each other’s brains out? Would it? I don’t think so,”

“But it looks like we’re going camping this weekend, despite me having plans. He’s such a Patacuck.”

More to come.


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