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Taxpayer-funded comedian Tom Ballard says he’s prepared to call his personal hero Bob Brown a ‘cunt’ live on air to appease conservatives.

The ABC’s Tonightly host needs to appease conservatives after his popular programme labelled a Batman byelection candidate from the Australian Conservatives a ‘cunt’ during a show earlier this week.

“The phone’s been ringing off the hook ever since,” said the skittish Victorian.

“[Cori] Bernardi even mailed a bullet to out writing room, telling us the next one will be coming a lot fucking quicker. Is that a death threat? It was only a .22 but I think the message was clear,”

“Anyway, to make the conservatives happy, I’ve agreed to get Bob Brown on the show. I’ll look him in the eye and call him a cunt to his face. It’s hard because I don’t think he’s a cunt, he’s actually a hero of mine. But I digress, it just needs to be done. As we say on the comedy circuit, it is what it is, then you die.”

Though it’s too early to tell if the move will make right-leaning people unoffended, according to the senior management team at the ABC but they’re remaining positive.

The ABC’s television director, David ‘Davo’ Anderson, took time out of his busy morning to speak to The Advocate regarding the controversy and the fallout surrounding the c-bomb.

“It’s not an ideal situation,” he said.

“But we’re glad Tom has elected to be the bigger man and call leftie Jesus a cunt on air so small-minded people think we’re not biased,”

“But it’s not my first rodeo, this’ll all blow over by tomorrow. Unless we’ve got another Chris Kenny-type migraine on our hands. Just as long as nobody gets shot or sued, I’m happy.”

More to come.



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