ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

There will be a time and place when the smoke alarm system at the Dupont Apartment complex in Betoota Heights will save lives.

It worked flawlessly last night as it woke 67-year-old Gavin Pooley from his slumber around 3 AM.

But even if it didn’t, it wouldn’t have cost him his life.

For the third time this year, one of his neighbours has come home from the nearby nightlife district with a gutful of piss and burnt something to the point were four fire trucks are summoned and everybody has to stand out in the cold for half an hour.

To pass the time, Gavin likes to find a nice place to sit and try to work out which one of his spoon-headed neighbours is guilty of burning the toast.

“I think it was that bloke over there,” he said, pointing at a husky student.

“He’s always fart-arsing about in the early hours. He and his flatmates yahoo and carry on every weekend. But Mondays, I’m not so sure. I’ve caught him crying in the laundry a few times on a Monday, which makes me think he’s a heavy MDMA user,”

“Or it could be the young parents over there. They’ve set it off before and tried to own the situation but after they understood there’s no bright side to standing out in the frost at 4AM, they quickly changed their tune. To be honest, I think it’s them again. They look guilty.”

The sexagenarian admits it’s the only thing that helps him pass the time when the fire alarm goes off.

But he also concedes that he’d rather be woken up every now and then rather than burn to death in his bed,

More to come.


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