EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A breathtakingly beautiful woman from Betoota’s French Quarter has this week been informed that she’s no longer allowed to give dating advice.

It’s alleged this incident occurred during a weekend catchup with the girls, when the hopeless romantic of the group, Leah Patton [26] bemoaned that her shockingly bad dating streak had so far included being ghosted three times and having some bloke on Tinder open up the line of chat by commenting that she had DSL’s (dick sucking lips).

“I’m so tired of dating, it’s just wrecked my self esteem”, Leah lamented, “it’s so hard to even leave the talking stage and even get a date sorted out.”

“I think most of them just want a root or a pen pal.”

Zoe Bloomfield [25], who also hasn’t had much luck since becoming single six months ago, agrees that “yeah it is hard to actually get a date off a dating app.”

“Oh 100%, sometimes I think it would just be easier to go back to Dan”, she said, referring to her ex who used to regularly comment 🤤 on photos of Sommer Ray, “it’s all just so tiring.”

Listening to this conversation with great concern, Rachel Hutton [26], who is currently in a one year relationship with a fitness model/anaesthesiologist informs her friends that they need to be more confident!

“You just need to be a bitch and have high standards”, Rachel explained, even though she could probably leave a trail of violent diarrhoea in a man’s bed and still get a call back, “and act like you’re way less interested in them.”

“It works for me.”

“Yeah, I guess so…”, responds Leah with a sigh, scrambling to change the subject, “did you come from an event or something? You look like you’ve just had a blow out.”

“Haha no my hair just looks like this!”, laughs Rachel.

More to come.


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