ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

In previous years, Michael Dooley has happily defrauded the Australian Tax Office with petty deductions regarding his laundry and business attire.

Once or twice, he even claimed his own private phone was actually the device he used for work.

But in recent times, that hasn’t been enough for the 24-year-old logistics manager – he wants to pay even less tax.

Reading through the explosive ‘Paradise Papers’ this morning, he was shocked to learn that he pays more tax in Australia than many transnational businesses such as Airbnb, Google, Apple and Microsoft.

Fed up with having to pay way more than his fair share, Dooley told The Advocate this morning via Skype that he’s had enough.

“I’m exploring my possible tax options,” he said.

“The boss and I are having a meeting this afternoon regarding my payment situation. I bet she thinks I’m after a raise or something but I’m going to ask her if she can start paying me via an offshore account,”

“Because why should I have to pay more tax than a billion-dollar company? Give me one good reason why and I’ll do it. I’ll write a cheque to the ATO right now. Until then, I’ll be looking to move my finances to either Malta, Bermuda or Jersey. I’ve had enough of this shit.”

However, much to the frugal Libra’s chagrin, the tax office recently announced they’re clamping down on international companies failing to meet their tax obligations in Australia. A ‘bullshit, smoke and mirrors move’ according to Dooley, who says he’s already making progress in Bermuda.

“I’ll be moving up to Betoota Grove soon enough, I’ll be rich enough not to pay tax by the time I’m 30 I reckon.”

More to come.


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