EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

In news that has left the nation baffled, the labour government have announced they’ll be adding specialised cosmetic surgery for drivers of Ford Rangers, Dodge Rams and Teslas, despite still not broadening Medicare services to cover dental.

Speaking to The Advocate, Lou Coulter, the general manager of Medicare, says the service will soon be evolving into something similar to the NHS, where ‘aesthetic’ types of medical procedures can be covered should it ‘have a positive effect on people’s mental health.’ 

Which is why one of the first rollouts are penis extensions for drivers of certain types of cars – a change that Coulter says will not only have a positive impact on the recipients, but also the nation.

“It may cause some controversy right now, but we believe this offer generous results in the long run, a butterfly effect, if you will”, explains Coulter.

“In fact, we foresee a drop in road rage and pub punch ons, and less interest in pursuing finance.”

“A win for everyone.”

More to come.


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