EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A Marketing and Branding manager paid a fuck load to make everyone else’s jobs difficult has rewarded himself for some ‘hard work’ this week, having spent gruelling several hours deciding on what font to use for a brochure that no one will ever look at.

Known as the constant thorn in the side to his marketing team, John Beechum [40] loves nothing more than sending 50 emails hyper fixating on the tiniest things, such as changing a word on a pamphlet from ‘good’ to ‘great’, or dropping into the office to demand huge changes mere hours before anything goes to print.

In fact, many of his employees suspect John always has an opinion for the sake of having an opinion, because it gives him the illusion he’s contributed to something – such as today, when he had an ‘epiphany’ on the perfect font to use for a Betoota Tourism pamphlet

A four page brochure the team has already had to spend four weeks working on.

“I’ve done some thinking, and I just don’t think Helvetica is inviting enough”, said John, talking out of his ass, “it seems a bit too hoity toighty for a tourism campaign.”

“I’m thinking…Arial.”

“I also don’t like the background colour”, he added, not realising that the graphic designer looked as though she was about to have a fit, “switch the yellow to purple.”

“Thanks guys, love your work.”

More to come.


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