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Three-hundred-and-sixty-four-days-a-year, David Gardner works hard earns an honest pay.

He works closely with builders and other tradesmen, picking the things up they don’t need on the site before breaking it up and throwing it in a skip bin.

The 27-year-old is a self-described simple man with simple needs.

But tomorrow, he lets himself go.

“Melbourne Cup is basically Christmas in November,” he said.

“I’ve saved up for weeks and visiting the ‘Tash with my missus, she picked out this tidy green number for the big day. I’m going to fucking LOSE my mind tomorrow. Got my gear getting dropped off tonight. That was the biggest expense,”

“Saved up for a ticket to the Dolphins Club Offical Afterparty. Sneaky Sound System is playing, I’m fucking pumped, mate. Should a be a belter.”

Denise Petersen from Tarocash’s flagship local store in Betoota Ponds has confirmed that the reasonably priced men’s retailer has been doing a roaring trade in the lead up to the nation’s day of days.

Along with brightly-coloured suits and white-rimmed sunglasses, Petersen said they’re also on the verge of running out of white faux-leather belts and white faux-leather loafers.

“It’s bedlam down here at the moment,” she said.

“There are two gentlemen here now with neck tattoos fighting over the last pinstripe sports coat. One woman even used her leashed dog like a bommy knocker, throwing it against another young lady attempting to buy the last of the hair weaves,”

“But come down quick if you want a bargain!”

More to come.


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