ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Nipping in to buy some rolling papers at the Clarence Road Milk Bar, a packet of Nerds caught Michael Bust’s eye.

The 26-year-old had so much as thought about the delicious candy for close to 15 years.

All he knew now is that he wanted some.

“These a well, mate,” he said to the cashier, handing over his keycard for the $3.45 transaction.

Once on his walk back through Machattie Park to his parent’s leafy six-bedder in Betoota Grove West, Bust flicked his half-lit rolled cigarette into the duck pond and retrieved the Nerds from his pocket.

At first, he was frugal and pensive with his portions.

He told our reporters that sense of self-control quickly departed from his mind.

“Before I even knew it, I had the opening of the box pressed up against my mouth and I was going for it,” he said.

“I inhaled one side of the box in like 10 seconds. You wouldn’t see that type of gluttony on a John Candy room service bill. Honestly,”

“And guess what, after I was done chewing through that lot of crystalised sugar, I ripped the other side open and even poked my little tongue in the hole to govern the flow of candy. It was like the Tardis came down and transported me back to 1999.”

For the rest of the short walk home, Mike was spitting a sugary, colourful slurry onto the pathway every 15 to 20 steps – to the absolute horror and disgust of those who saw him.

When asked by our reporter if he’d do it again, he said maybe when he finds a job.

More to come.


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