ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Speaking candidly to The Advocate over his fourth coffee of the day, Dennis Coleman said that the highlights of his days recently is to scroll through his many social media feeds to see what part of Europe his friends are enjoying now.

It’s no skin off the 28-year-old’s nose, as he’s just happy knowing that his friends are having a great time on their holiday while he gets sneezed on riding the bus to work each morning.

“Oh wow,” he said.

“Look, Fred and Julie have just arrived in Corsica! I’ve always wanted to go to Corsica. Over the weekend, I noticed they were in Cannes, which is also a nice place. I am happy for them,”

“But what really blows me away is their steadfast dedication to keeping the content up. They most post six or seven times a day between them – and that’s just on Instagram. There’s the Snapchats, the group chats and the Facebook and so on. It’d be a hard gig taking all those photos.”

However, some of the under-employed software designers friends have been quick to question whether Dennis is actually happy that his friends are overseas and he’s getting sneezed on my people on the bus.

Workmate Alistair revealed to The Advocate that behind closed doors, Mr Coleman hasn’t been speaking so positively about how the happiness he’s drawing vicariously through his friends.

“Nah, Dennis is well off it,” said Alistair, who’s watched Dennis stare out the window of their ground floor office in Betoota’s un-exclusive Brentwood Business Park.

“He’s blowing up, saying that he can’t fucking believe how much their posting and everything. I thought he was going to put his phone through the wall. Every morning, he comes in and says that some wookatook fuck on the bus coughed on him and that he’s going to start carrying a paring knife on the bus so he can stab the next person in the diaphragm who even looks at him,”

“I think Dennis needs a holiday.”


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