A local Greek man is in a stable condition after suffering severe lacerations to his cheeks, following a late lunch with his yiayia and her friends at a nearby Helenic cafe this afternoon.

30-year-old Adam Xiannikis was found unconscious in the carpark of a local inner-city shopping centre with both his cheeks bruised and bleeding, after being told how handsome he was by his grandmother and other elderly relatives all afternoon.

While in a stable condition at the local Betoota Royal, Adam says his injuries were sustained around about the same time his yiayia demanded that he bring home a lovely Greek girl for her to meet one of these days.

“Why you not settle down?” she asked while grabbing at his face, in a loving but distressed tone.

“Why you always out drinking with your cousins. You need a good Greek girl. You so handsome”

It is believed that the victim was able to make it as far as the carpark before fainting due to blood rushing to the front of his face, following nearly an hour of having elderly Greek women pinching his cheeks.

“Their hands were like vice grips” he says.

“They nearly tore my face off”

“One of them slapped me I think”

Mr Xiannikis says he will not be pressing charges against his yaiyai or her accomplices, but will be taking into account her pleas for him to make use of his youthful good looks before he turns out like his fat older cousins, who are apparently ‘no good’.



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