ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

In a world where image is everything, a quick-thinking entomology professor at South Betoota Polytechnic College has saved the day after he partially wet himself shortly before lunch today by untucking one side of his shirt.

Having classes on Sunday isn’t a new concept for Associate Professor Gilbert Sutherland – but failing to shake moments before a class was due to start is.

“I didn’t know what to do,” he said.

“I thought about standing beside the hand dryer but if somebody walked it, I’d probably lose my job if they saw my crotch up against the vent. So I was in a jam,”

“But I had an idea. I tucked one side of my shirt – and it worked. You couldn’t tell I’d failed to shake all the piss out of myself like the moron I am.”

Prof. Sutherland said it was a necessity to fix the problem as his students sit eye-level to his belt – making the probability of them seeing what he’d just done to his trousers an almost certain possibility.

But one of his Sunday students wasn’t fooled.

Sam Pontsford, a perennial local fuck-up with an academic record that looks worse than his face did in Year 10, thought Sutherland would’ve been better off trying his hands on the front of his trousers – as to make the wee mark blend in with the handprints.

“Just a thought,” he told our reporter shortly after class – as he smoked well within 5 meters of the auditorium entrance.

“It was pretty obvious but I appreciate the effort but in all honesty, he should’ve at least untucked the other half of his shirt.”

More to come.


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