ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

ROCKING UP TO A pub he’s never been to before, Dale Edridge joined four other mates as they ventured into the city for a hard-earned drink-a-thon at one of Brisbane’s most recognisable destination hotels.

Hopping on the train at Trinder Park station in Brisbane’s cosmopolitan Gold Coast corridor, the 23-year-old and his four companions shotgunned their first Jim Beam tin as the 9:20am express to the heart of town pulled out of the station.

Arriving at Central just after 11am, only one of the party was deemed to be lucid enough to enter a licensed premises, much to the chagrin of Edridge, who was barely able to contain himself.

Finally, after what seemed to be hour upon hour of public drinking, the hedonistic quintet finally found a place where they could pull up at the bar and get some serious liver bashing done.

Ordering his ninth ‘cougar and coke’ of the night, Edridge was finally cut off by bartender Ernie Godfrey, a 19-year-old QUT law student who ‘quite simply doesn’t get paid enough to deal with bottom draw humans’ such as the 23-year-old apprentice waterproofer.

“I said get me another drink, you worthless little cunt before I jump the bar and turn your brain off at the wall,” said Dale, pointing his stained index finger.

“Get me another drink before you get some trouble.”

That was when Ernie looked at Edridge’s mates as if to say, “Your mate is about to be slapped by these nice bouncers and left to asphyxiate on Edward Street if he doesn’t leave right now.”

But his silent pleas fell on deaf ears.

Queensland Police and Ambulance respond to reports that a man received a 'factory reset of the brain' in the CBD over the weekend. PHOTO: Supplied.
Queensland Police and Ambulance respond to reports that a man received a ‘factory reset of the brain’ in the CBD over the weekend. PHOTO: Supplied.

“We tried to make him leave with us,” said pal Mark. “But he was adamant on getting another bourbon. The manager even came over to try and defuse the situation, but at the end of the day, the only thing that was going to shut Dale up was a swift, concentrated palm-strike to the brainstem.”

It was over in a flash. Dale was last seen by his friends being loaded into an ambulance after a bouncer gave his thinking box and serious one-handed workover.

After flopping about on an Edward St footpath like a carp on a river bank, one bouncer said it was like holding down the power button on a frozen laptop until it turns off.

“That’s kinda [sic] what happened to this prick, aye?” said  security specialist Serevi Heritage.

“We kept saying, ‘Move on, cuz. You don’t need what’s about to happen to you in your life,’ but he didn’t listen.”

Mr Edridge is expected to make a full recovery.

More to come.


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