GREG SANDERS | Culture | Contact

His colleagues think he’s funny but it seems Sam Madden is about to that things too far.

The 31-year-old is lucky enough to work at local public relations firm, PorterNovelli South Betoota, twice voted the best place to work if you are dead on the inside.

One of the firm’s biggest drawcards is their ‘great work culture’ and ‘free coffee bar’ but this year, it’s said they’ve outdone themselves by organising a ‘Secret Santa’.

Which is why Sam found himself this morning in the Piston Fellatio sex shop on Mullholland Avenue, browsing the selections.

“I drew Mark from marketing,” he laughed.

“He’s a full on bible basher so I thought I’d get him a vibrating cock ring and a pink 16-inch rubber cock. It’s going to be so fucking funny, the look on his face. It’ll put the fear of Jesus in him, that’s for sure,”

“Anyway, I’ve only got a $20 budget so I reckon I might need to haggle with the pervert behind the counter a bit. I’ll have to twist his sick little arm off the get these for a lobster, that’s for sure.”

However, according to his superiors at PorterNovelli, Sam is cruising for a bruising.

Speaking candidly to The Advocate, his account director said that if he does end up getting Mark a sex toy for Secret Santa, he’d be booking himself an appointment with HR.

“In this day and age when you can’t do or say anything without somebody getting triggered or offended, I feel that Sam is in danger of upsetting someone in the office with his gift,” said boss Angela O’Donoghue.

“But that’s not for me to decide, that’s for HR. Personally, I think Sam is just another male who hasn’t felt the bite of consequence or denied privilege,”

“It is what it is, then you die.”

More to come.



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