LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
An old fox is making up for lost time after finally giving into family demand and doing some damn exercise.
The fox in question is Peter Morb (58) of Betoota Ponds who claims to enjoy his life by frequently doing activities that shorten it such as drinking, smoking cigarillos and making sandwiches using frozen pizzas as bread.
With his family realising that dad may well be outlived by their staffie, the Morbs have long been imploring the old fella to do some exercise only to be told that their old dad is still as fit as he’s always been.
Peter’s vast range of anti-excercise counterarguments range from his assurance that no amount of cardio can make up for his natural ‘dad strength’ to his extremely unproven theory that the human body is like a battery and the key to living longer is to not drain the power.
However, after the untimely deaths of a number of his favourite hedonists, dad has finally decided to make use of the joggers that are usually reserved for the lawn mower and boat ramps.
The family are eating their words with a side of victory dinner tonight, as Morbo popped on his old training shorts and sweat bands before proceeding to sprint as fast as he can for one solid hour.
“I just wanted to get it out of the way for the year,” stated a sweaty Morb, a towel wrapped around his waist after his shorts finally perished 38 minutes into his epic sprint.
“I knew I still had it and now so does everybody else. This is called a runner’s high!”
“Chloe, fire up the oven, two pepperonis please.”
MORE TO COME.