ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

It’s hardly news but Australia’s peak scientific body, the CSIRO, is launching a study into why cats do the things they do that make us sad.

Spurred on by a recent episode with his feline life companion, CSIRO researcher Gavin Pooley decided to get to the bottom of why his cat seems to do things solely out of spite.

“For the tenth time this year, I’ve trod in cat shit in the middle of the night when I’ve hopped up to take a piss,” he said.

“You’d think it comes with being a pet owner in an apartment, you know. But my cat, Gregory, like to shit in my ugg boots. I keep them near the bed in case I need to get up in the night and do things,”

“So for the tenth time this year, I’m smeared digested Whiskas up the inside of my ugg boot then awkwardly hobbled through the flat to the shitter with it plastered between my toes. So I thought, rather than punt Gregory off my 19th story balcony onto the bus interchange, I’d research why he does it.”

And so the study was born.

Early estimates suggest the total cost of the endeavour will be close to $900 and seven cats.

The Advocate reached out to the RSPCA regarding Mr Pooley’s casual threats of throwing his cat to its untimely death, but have yet to receive a reply.

However, one of our reporters who studied physics at high school calculated that a medium-sized cat falling at terminal velocity has the potential energy to either break the neck of a person it landed on or punch a hole in the roof of a passing bus.

More to come.


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