A country butcher has today revealed his success in the meatslinging game comes from the random pinch of parsley he places ontop of raw meat before having it photographed.

Boris Gleitzman (56), who for many years has been rumoured to hold close ties with organised crime figures in the greater Diamantina area, has today said that sending eight kids to private school in Brisbane is purely a result of the parsley – and nothing more sinister than that.

“It changed my whole business, moit” says Boris.

“Drop the raw cut on a white backdrop, pinch of parsley on the top and the fucking thing sells itself”

Boris believes his 2nd-generation family business, BettaBetootaMeats, has only managed to survive the malicious attacks of the Coles and Woolworths duopoly due to the pinch of parsley.

“Especially around Christmas time mate”

“Get the shit in the local papers, maybe a cinema ad, hire a backpacker to hand out flyers out the back of the pub”

“I even put a fistful of the shit in the meat tray that I donate to the pub. People reckon it helps with freshness but I don’t think so”

“It’s called marketing dickheads. And no, I don’t know what happened to that bookmaker that disappeared at the Royal a few years back”

Local shopper, Deborah (55) says while the deli at woolies has much cheaper prices, they just don’t manage to sell the meat as well as Boris.

“There’s just something about it” she says.

“That, and the fact he gives my grandsons a string of highly processed cheerios each time we rock up”

“It’s much fresher meat at BettaBetoota”


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