The local chapter of the Australian Country Women’s Association is being observed by several government agencies, it has today been confirmed.

It is believed that the ATO, ASIO and The Australian Bureau Of Statistics have been keeping a close eye on the Betoota CWA branch, in an effort to learn better investigative skills and improve their practices of securing intelligence – following the embarrassing ‘cabinet files’ saga that saw top secret documents detailing in the internal operations of 5 Australian governments.

Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull says after learning about the artillery of secrets held by the Betoota CWA, he has instructed cabinet members to look towards the branch as a case study into word of mouth metadata.

“These women are quite in the know. They can tell you everything about anyone. If they trust you”

“We need to look the CWA as a whole. They are a very organised intelligence agency”

Executive members from the local branch of hit back at the accusations of gossiping.

“Well, some of us like to gossip. But not all of us!” says a the defensive branch president, Celia Grayndler.

“It’s just that, some people tell us things. If someone has something to say, you need to lend an ear”

“That’s what a community is all about”

However, scorned ex-CWA member, Wendy Darmer believes that a culture of gossip does, well and truly run deep behind the cakes stalls and in the community halls around Australian.

She says she walked out on the Association when she found out that the girls had been spreading rumours about her daughter Janelle, who left town suddenly last year.

“Janelle had a job in the big smoke and had a falling out with Celia’s daughter. That’s why she left.

“It’s not because she fell pregnant to one of the African men in the travelling tent boxing troupe”

“She didn’t go to jail either”




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