ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

A Betoota Heights brainiac has scoffed at the very offer of sunscreen today, telling the person offering it to him that he’s not a leftie.

“Sunscreen?” chuckled the anonymous picnic attendee.

“How about you take that and squirt it up my arse.”

The man was observed speaking loudly and drinking to excess by The Advocate’s Clancy Overell, who was at the Machattie Park gathering but playing it sun-safe with his Celtic pallor.

“I was wearing a Billabong rash top and boot-cut jeans,” said Clancy.

“With my Akubra on, too. I was even wearing a pair of leather gloves so I wouldn’t get burned fingers. This guy, on the other hand, was being an idiot. I offered him some of my Banana Boat Extreme, and he told me to shove it up his arse like some sort of enema. Charming fellow,”

“Needless to say, that guy got his just desserts!”

Without mercy or prejudice, the sun continued to blast down on Machattie Park until it slid behind one of the famous oak trees that line the central square.

It became apparent just how much this man’s hubris had cost him.

“He was extremely intoxicated at this point, but I’d also say he was very dehydrated as well,” Clancy continued.

“He had to be helped from the park. I think he is the most sunburnt person I’ve ever seen with my own eyes, and I’ve seen how the Poms carry on in Greece!”

“Some of his mates were considering taking him to the hospital. But yes, I know what you’re all thinking; I did take a moment to put the boot in to him before he left. I said, ‘Do you want some sunscreen now, bitch?’ as we passed their group in the car park,”

“Got him.”

More to come.


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