EFFIE BATEMAN Lifestyle Contact

A local bloke from Betoota Heights has today revealed some of his learnings about 911 to our reporter, after taking a deep dive into the intelligence files at roughly 1:32am last night.

Anthony Fielding, 32, says he’s been having a bit of a ‘back to the classics’ moment the past few weeks, revisiting everything from Nazi meth soldiers and World War II, to the Space Challenger Disaster.

Speaking to our reporter, a rather stressed looking Anthony says he completely forgot how orchestrated the attacks were, and how many opportunities the US had to stop them from occurring.

“They planned it for YEARS”, says Anthony, very seriously, “they even picked planes that had the longest routes, because that meant there was more fuel to burn.”

“And you know what’s fucked!? The CIA and FBI BOTH had critical information about the attacks but wouldn’t share information with each other”, says Anthony, “they practically had all the pieces of puzzle, including names of the terrorists, news that the terrorists would be planning an attack on the US using airplanes, and highly suspicious behaviour at US flight schools, including some cunt who said he only ‘wanted to learn how to fly the plane, and not to land.”

“That sounds like a shitty joke but it’s actually real.”

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Anthony suddenly takes on a wistful look.

“I feel like that was when innocence was really lost, you know? I couldn’t believe what you could take on planes. I read some comment on Reddit by some guy who took a sword on a plane as a kid and the airport security guy just hi fived him and said it was cool.”

“It did a lot pop culture wise too, like they had to cut the world trade centre out of the Spiderman movie. There was even some discussions about changing the title of ‘Lord Of Things, The Two Towers.”

“And umm, yeah they took Chop Suey off the radio because it mentioned ‘self righteous suicide.”

“There’s so much dude.”

More to come.


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