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The Deputy Prime Minister walked into George Christensen’s parliamentary office this morning with one thing on his mind.

It wasn’t anything to do with Malcolm Turnbull, it wasn’t anything to do with his ongoing personal issues.

Barnaby Joyce spoke candidly to the Member For Dawson about giving love another chance.

As they exchanged pleasantries, Joyce took a boot and sock off to cover the smoke alarm on the ceiling.

“Isn’t it about time you got back on the horse, mate?” asked Joyce, sitting backwards on a swivel chair rolling and cigarette.

“You need to make hay while the sun shines, or cut cane. Whatever you guys do up there. Anyway, mate. I reckon you should get on Tinder, there are a few catches walking these halls. Just don’t swipe right on anybody you’ve got on staff,”

“Fucking top hat will burst a blood vessel if you do. Just keep everything outside off on a good length and you should be right. Ok mate, I’ve gotta run but you take in what I said, yeah?”

And with that, Joyce flicked his cigarette out Christensen’s first-floor window, ripped his sock off the smoke alarm and let himself out.

Let to ponder on the wise words of Australia’s most under-siege politician, Christensen paid a visit to the Google Play store to peruse some dating apps.

“There’s a cute Greens staffer that works in the red room,” he told The Advocate via Wickr.

“I used up my Super Like or whatever that means on her. All signs are positive so far. Boys, I’ve gotta get back to it.”

More to come.



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