11 April, 2017. 12:23

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

Speaking candidly to The Advocate this morning from the front verandah of his South Betoota Queenslander, local septuagenarian Keelan Butterick said that he welcomes a possible nuclear war with the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea as he hopes it’ll toughen the kids up a bit.

Just like the war the Vietnam did for his generation, an armed conflict with re-introduced conscription and national service would see the youth of the nation harden up and develop the courage to face the world and all its challenges.

“No, I didn’t go to Vietnam. But that’s beside the point,” said the 71-year-old retired property investor.

“The point is that with all the Poke-e-mans and premarital intercourse these kids are having these days, they’ve gone soft. They whinge all the time and complain about things. Well, I reckon sending them up to grease a few Korean teenagers might do the trick. Put a bit of fire in their gluten-free bellies!”

However, Keelan’s son Rex, 21, has other ideas.

Explaining to The Advocate that while he didn’t really have the desire to pop the heads of impoverished Korean rock farmers this year, he does agree that the United States needs to be tougher on the rogue state.

“I mean, can’t we just put embargoes on them or something? All-out nuclear war is a bit full on, don’t you think?” asked Rex.

“But you know, if I had to, I wouldn’t mind plugging a few. It’d make for some pissa yarns when we got back. But yeah, avoiding war would be good. However, if I did get atomised by a nuclear explosion, I’d remove a lot of stresses from my life, such as home ownership and my HECS debt.”

More to come.


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