30 March, 2016. 15:10


Local vegan Jamie Hemmant feels like he isn’t doing a good enough job of explaining his boring lifestyle choice – so he’s going to send you some links, it has been confirmed.

Not even thirty minutes into your first catch up in eighteen months, Jamie has found a way to turn a conversation about his soy milk coffee into an extensive sermon about how he is going to live longer than you, according to research that you haven’t heard about.

“I’ll send you some links, mate,” he says while grinding up coffee beans that have almost definitely caused the deaths of several indentured African farmhands.

“I didn’t know about half this stuff, but once you read into it… You realise that we have been kept in the dark,”

“I’m not doing a very good job of explaining it. Bottom line is, I’m not going to suffer from the same horrible illnesses that you will,”

“Not to mention the carbon emissions from cow farts. It’s all from this Youtube channel called WakeUpSheepleTV”

“I’ll send you some links”





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