Local man, Toby Lockyer has found himself in the least desirable seat at this particular staff party.

While enjoying an open bar at a local surf club, the entire office at J.B Media Buying have been forced to adhere to designated seats within the venue, in order to help cultivate their famously “social work environment”.

Mr Lockyer got seated next to Richard, a coworker of a very similar age but, evidently, a very different peer group.

In their quiet corner of the function room, Toby has had to endure Richard’s entire life story. From the time his dad left him and his mother, right up to his recent separation from his fiancè of two years.

Despite the seemingly sincere pats on the back and appropriate emotional responses, Toby does not give a fuck.

“It’s a fucking slog,” Toby tells the Betoota Advocate reporters while making a trip to the bathroom.

“I just want a break from the sad old prick,”

“I mean, I’ve got nothing against him, but surely the fact that we are seated next to each other at a free piss function isn’t a good enough reason for him to treat me like a confession booth,”

“He just told me a story about how his mum used to hit him with a belt. What the fuck is that all about… That was twenty years ago! What the fuck am I going to do about it?”

With four more hours of scheduled staff festivities, Toby says he’s going to be really needing some hard liquor by the time his boss gives him the okay.

“All the executives keep looking over here as if to say sorry. They know they’ve thrown me a hospital pass,”

“Fuck this shit.”



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