9 March, 2016. 11:15
CLANCY OVERELL | Editor | CONTACT
Recently divorced local man, Brad Paisley, says barbecuing in bed is in his top five most favourite things to do since he separated from his wife of twenty-five years.
“It’s great,” says Brad.
“Being divorced is great in general. I get an empty house when the kids visit their mum’s place – so now I can get drunk mid-week and play Chisel as loud as I want,”
“I don’t even have to pretend to care about my neighbours now that I’m divorced. Gary and his wife can get fucked,”
Six months after signing the documents that stipulate he is no longer bound by marriage to his incredibly controlling and “mean-spirited” ex-wife, Morgan, the 55-year-old real estate guru says that he can’t believe he didn’t do it sooner.
“I don’t understand the stigma surrounding divorce,” says Brad, while licking electric egg beaters covered in cake mix.
“All my mate’s wives keep popping around with plates of food. They think I’m in a bad place…”
“I’ve never been better. Check this shit out!”
Mr Paisley then lead our journalists into his master bedroom to show us the Weber Q2000 barbecue, that currently sits on his bed, cooking meat and vegetables.
“Had I even suggested the idea of firing up the weber in bed, before I got divorced, I would have been sleeping on the couch for a week,”
“Not that the couch is that bad. I’ve just started watching that Netlfix show, so sometimes I sleep out there just for fun,”
While Mr Paisley says the divorce is yet to affect his occupational life, he says he might just throw it in and spend his days living like a slob.
“My son (Dylan, 17) recently got me on to marijuana. I can’t believe I smoked durries for thirty years and never tried that shit. It’s fucking awesome,”
“I’m getting a hot tub put in on the deck. So many of my mates are thinking of getting on the D-train with me,”
“The D-train means getting a divorce haha”
I have to laugh because, even if his fancies like cooking in bed & smoking weed are a bit far-fetched, he has it right. After putting the trash (marriage) out, a man has an incredible amount of relief. He’ll really appreciate the peace & solitude in time. As for women, well they never seem to accept divorce after contributing to a lousy marriage, and instead of moving on and getting on with their lives, they want to haunt the poor ex & figuratively put a knife in his eye at every conceivable chance.
Truly a man after my own heart!
What a pussy! A REAL man would have had the Weber wherever he wanted it – pre the D Train.