6 June, 2016. 13:45

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

AFTER COMING FROM HUMBLE BEGINNINGS, one senior partner at a prestigious Sydney law firm promised his young self that he’d support his children and give them every leg up in life that he never had.

That was until his 20-year-old son Matthew came home one afternoon with a series of exotic ear piercings and his long brown hair tied back with one of his daughter’s elastics.

“When he came down the stairs that morning, with those fucking earrings and his hair tied back like a girl, I just had to bite my tongue and nod and smile,” said 58-year-old Grosvenor Beaumont, a corporate law expert.

I met with Mr Beaumont at his trophy home in Sydney’s Bellevue Hill consulate district.

“I thought I was a good parent, but that morning, I knew I’d screwed up somewhere along the line. That afternoon, I had my first cigarette in ten years. I stole one out of my son’s sock drawer. Walked down to the pool house and lay down on a sunchair and looked up at the sky,”

“But if you ask me when my wife is around, or anybody else for that matter, I’ll say that I don’t really care. Deep down, it’s killing me.”

Grosvenor has found himself smoking more and more in recent months, as he comes to terms with his son’s man bun and earrings.

Saying that he can do what he wants now because he’s nearly 60 and owns an eight-million-dollar home in Sydney’s east outright, Grosvenor explained to The Advocate that he’ll give up smoking again when Matthew either gives up being such a milky cunt, or moves out to be with his people in the inner west.

“At least three mornings a week, I think about driving my car into a wall or burning my house down,” he said.

“Can you get done for  arson for burning down your owning house? I’m not sure. It’s not my area of law. I’ll have to make a few calls when I get to work,”

“Have you seen American Beauty?  That’s what my life’s like, except without all the boy on boy kissing and hot cheerleaders trying to get all up in my business,”



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