Dutton Desperate For A Couple Boats To Justify The $420m Security Contract He Gave To A Mate

WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | Contact

In some breaking news out of Canberra this morning, Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton has confirmed that he’d give anything for a boat right now.

This comes after Labor looks set to scrutinise the $420 million dollars in contracts handed over to a company registered to a beach shack without a postal address.

Dutton told mainstream media yesterday that he weirdly ‘hadn’t sighted’ the huge contracts given to a random company called Paladin, to oversee Australia’s offshore detention centres that have been in the national debate for some years now.

However, in an exclusive interview with The Advocate this morning, Dutton confirmed that maybe he sort of knew who the department he is in charge of was giving 17 million dollars a month to.

“Obviously, I can’t go into the nitty-gritty too much. But I wouldn’t mind some Indonesian people smugglers trying one on, if you know what I mean,” Dutton said in his parliamentary office moments ago.

“In hindsight, I probably should have told my mates to get a generic office space in some tower in Martin Place and leave it empty, rather than let them ‘run things’ from a 2 bedroom shack on Kangaroo Island.”

“Anyway, that’s all said and done now, at the end of the day, I need a boat, and soon.”

“Two would be better.”

“I mean fuck, things are that dire for us, and for me right now, I’d take a fucking armada of them.”

“That would take the wind out of GetUp’s sails wouldn’t it.”

Dutton then told us the interview was over before asking his Chief of Staff if he could look into flights to Jakarta to give some of the human trafficking kingpins a prod along.