14 May, 2016. 15:34

ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

DESPITE BEHIND IN NEARLY every poll, Opposition leader Bill Shorten has been cooler than a cucumber  this election campaign, which he chalks up to one simple trick.

“I scream into a pillow three times a day,” reveals the 49-year-old, who celebrated his birthday on Thursday.

“The goose feather ones work the best. I got one for my birthday this week. It’s really good, a mark of a good pillow is its weight. You don’t want those cheap shit Kmart ones, the whole block will hear you if you scream into one of those,”

“After I do some screaming, I feel ten times better.”

Though it’s still too early to tell, many political analysts have written off the former union boss, saying that even with Scott Morrison, Peter Dutton and Greg Hunt by his side, the prime minister is going to win this election by a long way.

Six-time Walkley Award-winning journalist Kerry O’Brien remarked that Shorten’s ability to keep his composure under intense questioning has improved in recent months – something he says is nothing short of a miracle.

Now that details of Shorten’s pillow screaming have been made public, O’Brien agrees that this new revelation alone will save him from dipping to Brendan Nelson-levels of public dissatisfaction.

“Pillow screaming has always been a popular method for media professionals and political figures to help get through rough patches,” said O’Brien.

“Print journalists have been screaming in pillows for a number of years now, but they all act like everything is going to be OK for them, which it won’t,”

“Same goes for Bill.”


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