11 December, 2015 16:45


Leader of the Opposition, Bill Shorten has apologised after he was caught on camera using his phone while driving – but has made it clear that he was not texting while behind the wheel of a white four-wheel-drive in images tweeted by journalists on Thursday night.

“I know it’s not much consolation, but I want to clarify that I was NOT texting,”

“I know how dangerous texting while driving is, I never do that”

The increasingly irrelevant and frequently investigated leader of the Australian Labor Party has informed media outlets that he was in fact “browsing through the gram” when the photographs were taken.

“I was just checking out a few memes,”

“I’d been flat out that day and hadn’t had the chance to catch up on my newsfeed,”

“I don’t know if you guys know, but Brown Cardigan has been fucking red hot lately,”

The troubled MP has been praised for honesty by critics across the board with Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull giving comment hours ago.

“Man, that guy’s life is just one massive R.E.M… Just eternal sadness. Good on him for being honest, though”

“I have to agree with him though, Betoota and Brown Cardigan have been spitting fire recently. Luckily I don’t to worry about being busted checking out social media while driving…”

“…That’s because I’m the Prime Minister of Australia and I have my own driver. ”



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