Report: Chocolate Digestives Will Have To Do
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
Dan Wells had been enjoying a well-deserved rest at his nans when he was invited to a house party on the north side...
Uber Launches New Shopping Trolley Delivery Service For Drunk Shenanigans
FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
Ride-share and food delivery company Uber is stepping further into the post-inebriation market with a revolutionary new service connecting drunk patrons with...
Huntsman Hiding Under Visor Patiently Waits Until After Motorist Gets On The Motorway To Show Itself
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
Harry the huntsman has grown tired of his new home.
It’s not like he has any better place to live, but after two months...
Selfish Astrologist Refuses To Give Pandemic An End Date
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | Contact
Since being declared a pandemic on March 11 2020, the fight against COVID-19 has been the backdrop to some of the most valiant...
“It’s On Page 488 Of The Constitution,” Says Anti-Vaxxer Who Hasn’t Read The Constitution
ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact
For some reason, the family-owned Mitre 10 on Greenbaur Road in Betoota Heights is making customers prove they're vaccinated...
Feminists Report Sharp Spike In Empowerment After Byron Influencer Posts Black And White Box Gap
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In some breaking international news, a sharp spike in female empowerment has been detected today, as the Challenge Accepted challenge goes viral.
The...
“Whatcha Doing?” Asks Local Man Who Knows Exactly What’s Going On
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
With the strange laws policing the dancing at nightclubs, many people have instead turned to throwing house parties - which in all honesty...
Report Finds Blokes Name Called Mitch Are Still Loving This Coronavirus/Beer Gag
LOUIS BURKE | Culture | CONTACT
It may be some time before we see the return of live comedy but that doesn’t mean the laughter has died for good.
Highly...
Report: Turns Out Mate’s Cousin’s Fiancé Doesn’t Actually Work On Set Of Reality TV Show
WENDELL HUSSEY | Cadet | CONTACT
In some breaking news from Betoota's Old City District, it can be revealed that a local bloke's mate's cousin's fiancé doesn't actually work...
Local Woman Scans Email Draft For A Suitable Place To Pop In An Exclamation Mark
EFFIE BATEMAN | BRISBANE | CONTACT
As she rewrites her email for the fifth time, local woman Nadia Toomes feels like the tone is a bit off.
It’s not...
