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A TOP-LEVEL EXECUTIVE responsible for VB Raw has been released from gaol today after completing a seven-year sentence in Goulburn.

Charged with high treason and crimes against common decency, Allan Gabriel Clarke was initially sentenced to 350 years in a maximum security prison but it was reduced on appeal.

Speaking today from the windswept brothel town of Goulburn, Clarke said he felt ready to re-mesh with society.

“I plead guilty and I did my time. VB Raw was the worst thing to happen to this fine country since the introduction of the GST,” he said.

“It was a dark period of my life. What was I thinking? A low carb VB? It makes my skin crawl evening thinking about it.”

His release comes before another Carlton United executive, who’s still serving a 35-year sentence for lowering the alcohol content of the fine drop from 4.9% to 4.6% – something that sent 94% of Australians into a blind rage.

A total of nine seizures were recorded and a death in Terrigal unfortunately happened. A coroner concluded the lower alcohol content and the change in taste sent people into shock.

That case is still in front of an appeals court.


  1. Jesus Christ almighty!! This prick could be living next to you and you would never know. Surely they could brand this bastard on the face or something.

  2. What? They are letting him out? With what conditions? Surely its conditional and that HE NEVER TOUCHES OUR GROG EVER AGAIN. EVER!!! Bloody low-carb bearded hipster wankers!


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