In some truly shocking news from the world of finance, another major bank has made a multi-billion dollar annual profit.

ANZ, one quarter of Australia’s banking cartel, has today revealed that it’s made a 7.4 billion dollar profit – despite the rest of the nation struggling with tough economic times, supposedly driven by an inflation crisis.

It’s not all sunshine and roses for the big boys though, with the record profit for the bank actually falling short of the market forecast of 7.6 billion dollars.

A massive chunk of the profit comes from the far higher rates on loans than savings, with the bank also raising the interest rates on mortgages and loans immediately after the RBA decision, while holding off on raising the rates for savings and cash accounts.

The huge profit from the organisation that simply ‘just passes on rate rises’ comes despite the nation being gripped by an economic crisis.

The highly publicised tough economic conditions have seen ordinary people struggling to put food on the table and keep a roof over their heads.

Australia’s growing peasant class has been told that the tough times are all part and parcel of life, with everyone needing to tighten their belts and get through this next period.

However, it seems like the times aren’t tough for people in charge of our largest corporations, with eye-watering profits rolling in across the board.

“Hey, let’s back it up with this whole large corporations are greedy stuff,” explained a spokesperson from ANZ bank.

“We are making billions of dollars because of our innovative contribution to the economy and society,” he said.

“Raising interest for people in debt quicker than we raise interest rates for people with savings is a genius economic idea.”

“When all is said an done and we look back at the ideas and innovations that shaped us as humans, raising interest rates under the premise of curbing inflation (which is driven by external factors the government refuses to do anything about) will go down alongside fire, the wheel, electricity, and Newtons’s apple brainwaves.”

“It’s genius. It’s brilliant. It’s revolutionary.”

“So, we’ve earned these billions of dollars.”

“Now fuck off.”

More to come.


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