During a rare trip to the bush, Bill Shorten has finally realised all those audience members who ask questions about societal disintegration on Q&A actually aren’t being that dramatic.

While visiting a one-horse brothel town somewhere in regional South Australia, the leader of the opposition was visibly startled by the obvious meth-related decay of a community that supposedly votes for him.

“Holy shit” he said.

“Did you just see those blokes going at out front of the TAB?”

“That’s gotta be more than the grog hey”

According to the 2016 National Drug Strategy Household Survey, over 6.3% of Australians over the age of 14 had ever used methamphetamine and 1.4%  reported recent use. These rates remain considerably higher than those reported in 2011.

Data from a number of sources indicate rates of methamphetamine use are higher among rural and remote areas of Australia compared to regional areas and major cities. This is also supported by recent data from the 2018 report of the National Wastewater Drug Monitoring Program which found that average consumption of methamphetamine in regional areas exceeded consumption in capital cities – where the usage is felt by all those in the community due to population size.

Shorten, after asking his advisors if meth was the same as pingers, was quick to show feelings that resembled legitimate concern, and vowed to mention it in a party meeting after the election.

“This is actually pretty bad out here” he said to a staffer.

“Remind me to think about this again after Barnaby’s tell-all on Sunday night”


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