ERROL PARKER | Editor-at-large | Contact

HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF CHILDREN around Australia have had the perfect gift to give their Dad on birthdays, Father’s Days and Christmases for over a decade – and it’s all thanks to one man.

Peter FitzSimons.

Those days might be coming to an end after the former Wallaby revealed this morning that he’s running out of interesting historical events to write about.

“It’s hard to find something that’s interesting, topical, historical and above all, something that my publisher loves,” said FitzSimons.

“I’ve already done all the good ones,”

“There’s plenty that make Aussies look a bit, you know, dicey… But I can’t do them”

“Like I really did my best to cover that race riot series without us looking like we have a seriously systemic problem with white supremacy”

FitzSimons says the book writing game is much harder than most people would think, when it comes to writing books that make Australian dads feel a bit patriotic.

“It’s not like my column in the Herald or a speaking appearances, it’s much harder. I put my hand up and copped the flak when I wrote Batavia, I’ll admit that was really scraping the bottom of the interesting barrel but it got me off the hook.” he said.

Each book requires thousands of hours of research and planning, but for his latest idea, he’s already done it.

Allegedly, his latest proposition is a fly-on-the-wall gonzo account of his life on the road during the 1989 Wallabies tour of Europe.  

It’s rumoured title is Beer and Groaning in Saint-Germain, detailing what used to go on in rugby union before the big money contracts, gym sessions and smartphones. 

“I can’t confirm or talk about what I plan to publish next, you can speculate all you want,” he said. 

“But I need to get something out the door by August. If anybody reading this now has any ideas for me, hit me up on Twitter.” 

One concerned 23-year-old from Sydney has voiced his concerns over the possible shortage of Peter FitzSimons books this year, saying that his father loves his writing and seldom reads anything else.

Dylan Holbrook told The Advocate that there’s a shelf dedicated to the 54-year-old on his living room bookcase. 

“Dad’s got them all, From Tobruk to Fromelles. Most years I do the double whammy and throw in a pair of socks with the book,”

“I’ve been flicking through the Dymocks catalogue and there’s not much on if Petey doesn’t squeeze one out this year. Might have to get the old fella Anna Bligh’s autobiography. He’ll still say thank you and read it, maybe even throw out some Anna Bligh anecdotes over the dinner table – but he won’t have that excited sparkle in his eye if it’s not a FitzSimons book.”


  1. Maybe Peter FitzSimon is too elitist with all that research. My pigeon, Ipec, is writing a biography, “Pigeon in Politics. Biography of a Female in Cabinet” on the “ink then think” model. It is like folk who talk and think, in that order. There is a huge readership for dumb writing. As for facts in the national narrative, struth, we got rid of facts long ago.

  2. Peter FitzSimons could write several hundred books about my incredible leadership, Government and the National-building decisions I took while PM. My policy decisions are far more important for Australia than Gallipoli ever was.


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