FRANKIE DeGROOT | Local News | Contact
In a clear case of desperate times calling for desperate measures, the NSW Government has turned to Siberia in an attempt to find a Premier without any form of conflict of interest.
Siberia, over 11,000km from the nearest NSW property developer, is home to about 33 million people and has a similar population density to Australia.
With an average winter temperature of -25°C and much of the region inaccessible by car, Siberia is actually very similar to nowhere anyone would actually want to go to.
The search for a new Premier comes as current Premier Gladys Berejiklian’s relationship with disgraced former MP Daryl Maguire is examined to find out if it’s possible to sleep with somebody without revealing intimate details of proposed infrastructure.
Sadly, this is not the first time the integrity of a NSW Premier has been called into question.
Gladys’ predecessor, “Casino” Mike Baird, was so named because he implemented Sydney’s notorious lockdown laws, which killed nightlife in the entire CBD, except for a really small piece of the city which happened to have a casino on it.
In response to some really annoying investigations, he strangled the ICAC’s powers, especially around political donations.
Before Mike Baird was Barry O’Farrell, who had a drinking problem; in 2014 O’Farrell drank so much 1959 Grange Hermitage he forgot that it was ever gifted to him by executives from ICAC target Australian Water Holdings.
Luckily Barry’s memory was fully restored when a note materialised, written by him, thanking the donor for the bottle.
Prior to Barry O’Farrell were 3 successive Premiers who were investigated by ICAC at various times over various business dealings with crooked politician Eddie Obeid, these being Kristina Keneally, Nathan Rees, and Morris Iemma; a small 4 cylinder British car.
In a statement, the NSW State Government said the position would suit any Siberian who is interested in moving to a warmer climate, appearing on TV occasionally to explain why infrastructure projects have run over budget, and coming up with creative excuses why new roads need to be built by private companies.
A strong command of the English language is not required, as it is expected that an inability to verbally communicate could actually hamper shady business dealings.
However, doubts have been raised over the effectiveness of the unique plan after NSW property developers have been spotted practising rubbing their fingers and thumbs together whilst winking, in the international symbol for rubber-stamped development applications.
