Just when you thought 2020 couldn’t be any more of a shark shit fight, you now have to start shopping and see your family because Christmas is less than a month away.

Although many of the world’s conservative white people are too busy denying the temperature, mask mandates and impending approach of Joe Biden, there are some that have had time to see a Covid-safe approach to the Christian holiday season as a blatant attack on Christmas.

“We are celebrating the birth of Jesus Goddamit!” stated Prime Minister Scott Morrison when asked about Covid-safety during Christmas.

“I know it’s been a hard year, better than anyone, remember how mean all of you were to me about Hawaii?”

“But we are putting that aside and celebrating Jesus Christ’s birthday whether he brought this plague down on us or not, which he definitely did.”

Although nowhere in The Bible does it mention anything about gift giving, tree decorating, Santa, tables full of food or even celebrating at all, Christians around the world demand that Western countries pause work and responsibilities to pay tribute to the baby that could end our suffering but chooses not to.

“Well he works in mysterious ways! Just like I do when I say I’m for all Australians and then never let a single one of you finish a single question.”


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